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|Posted on February 16, 2015 at 9:09 AM||comments (42)|
|Posted on December 6, 2014 at 6:34 AM||comments (22)|
If you live in the Leicester area (England) and think you or someone you know would benefit from counselling then please do get in touch.
Tel. 0116 2120807
E-mail : [email protected]
So what kind of issues to people seek help for:
Seeking Help Is Not A Sign Of Weakness
It Is A Sign That, Very Often, We Have Tried To Be Too Strong For Too Long.
If you or someone you know would benefit from counselling, then please do get in touch or encourage them to get in touch.
The picture above is the back page of my brochure. If you would like a brochure or several brochures for yourself or your workplace, contact me.
|Posted on November 30, 2013 at 6:31 AM||comments (70)|
Tips on Alternatives to self-harm from Help Reduce Suicide, Depression and Stress Related Illnesses
WHAT ARE THE TIPS TO PREVENT OR ALTERNATIVES FOR SELF-HARM?
Minimise self-harm damage:
If you feel an even stronger urge to self-harm, try the following harm minimisation tips:
• Use a red felt tip pen to mark where you might usually cut;
• Hit pillows or cushions, or have a good scream into a pillow or cushion to vent anger and frustration;
• Rub ice across your skin where you might usually cut, or hold an ice-cube in the crook of your arm or leg;
• Put elastic bands on wrists, arms or legs and flick them instead of cutting or hitting;
• Have a cold bath or shower.
"One of the reasons that young people say they self-harm and may be cutting or injuring themselves, is that something has happened in their life that has made them feel contaminated or polluted by what's happened, whether it's physical or emotional," says Frances McCann, mental health practitioner. "It becomes a way of 'letting something out' and dealing with feelings of self-disgust or low self-esteem."
The Butterfly Project (One of My Personal Favourites)
Often the best thing is to find out what has worked for other people who understand where you're coming from. TheSite.org asked young people from young people's mental health service, 42nd Street in Manchester, to come up with some of the alternatives that help them:
• Alternative therapies: massage, reiki, meditation, acupuncture, aromatherapy.
• Bake or cook something tasty. (Also builds self esteem once you get good!)
• Craft-work: make things, draw or paint. Be Creative. Express yourself.
• Dance your socks off.
• Exercise for a release of endorphins and that feel-good factor. Start jogging.
• Forward planning - concentrate on something in the future, like a holiday.
• Go for a walk, with friends if possible.
• Hang out with friends and family. Play some games (hangman, charades, etc)
• Have a bubble bath with lots of bath bombs fizzing around you.
• Hug a soft toy or a real person. Also, cuddles and hugs lower depression, reduce anxiety, Fact!
• Join a gym or a club.
• Knit (it's not just for old people you know). This is surprisingly therapeutic.
• Listen to music. (preferably music you can dance to in your bedroom)
• Music: singing, playing instruments, listening to (basically making as much noise as you can).
• Open up to a friend about how you are feeling. Ask them to listen without talking to start with.
• Pop bubble wrap. Keep popping until every single bubble is popped.
• Play with a stress ball or make one yourself (balloons, flour).
• Read a book.
• Rip up a phone directory or thick catalogue (Argos, if you're in the UK).
• Scream into an empty room. (Make sure its empty!). Or find an empty field, remote place.
• Spend time with babies (when they're in a good mood). Watch children playing.
• Tell or listen to stories
• Tai Chi, Mindfulness, Reflection, Prayer
• Visit a zoo or a farm that lets you hold the animals(animals do the best things).
• Volunteer for an organisation (will make you feel all warm inside).
• Write: diary, poems, a book. Keep a journal in which you can be brutally honest.
• Write all your negative feelings on paper, then rip them up or burn them (safely). Let them go.
• Yoga: meditation, deep breathing - this might help you relax and control your urges.
• Zzz - get a good night's sleep.
There are many self-help tips that may help you, otherwise known as 'alternatives to self-harm', or 'coping tips and distractions'. You might find some are more effective than others. Don't be disheartened if a technique isn't successful. Try a different one to see if it works better for you.
Here are a few you might want to try:
The 15-minute rule - if you're feeling the urge to self-harm, give yourself 15 minutes before you do. Distract yourself by going for a run or writing down your feelings. When the time's up, see if you can extend it by another 15 minutes. Try to keep going until the urge subsides;
Meditation - try to visualise the urge as an emotional wave you can surf. Imagine it reaching a crescendo then breaking as you successfully resist its force;
Write a list of things you've achieved that make you feel proud, or fill a box with things that make you happy, such as pictures of friends and loved ones. Keep them handy and look at them when you're feeling bad;
Practice expressing your emotions and feelings through art or writing or talking to a friend.
And Finally, as always, if you need it, get counselling: you know where I am. x
|Posted on August 29, 2013 at 4:20 PM||comments (16)|
I meet a very good friend for coffee every Tuesday to chat and sometimes to study. We sometimes get around to the studying part. I think she might be the nearest thing to a soul mate that I've had for the last so many years, which is rare.
We are currently talking about Shame. It is a much under-talked about topic.
When we are born we are this tiny vulnerable pink human being that just wants to be loved, just wants to reach out and be held and fed and picked up and loved. (I think we still want that as adults, by the way, but that's a different post).
But somewhere down the line something happens that makes us feel bad. It might be that our parent doesn't come when we cry, or they tell us to be quiet, or perhaps months later they smack us and we don't understand why, or perhaps years later they hurt us in other ways. Some parents shame us in small unintended ways and some in deep and abusive ways (mine was deep and abusive, but that also is another post).
The point is, that for some reason, at some point, we felt shamed. We felt that we had done something wrong. Perhaps we felt that we were somehow wrong in the very core of our being, worthless, always wrong, bad.
And along the way, because of how we felt, we made conscious and unconscious decisions. We might have decided we were worthless, or we may have decided that we had to constantly prove ourselves despite secretly believing we were worthless. Perhaps we decided other people could not be trusted, or perhaps just other women or other men, depending on who hurt us. Some people decide that aggression is the best form of defence, others that the best way is to keep quiet.
But I want you to know this:
Those decisions that we made as children or teenagers because we felt shamed do not have to control us as adults.
We are not worthless. We have power as adults that we did not have as children.
We have power to choose. We have power to communicate. We have power to be who we want to be, not just what others have made us to be.
It is not easy.
I was abused badly as a child. I made decisions that I struggle with even now ( I am a very human counsellor). But I have also grown past my shame, recognised that it is not my shame but the shame of the one who hurt me, and I continue to grow and learn and be a better person. It is possible to trust again. It is possible to change. It is possible to do good and to be good.
It does however take courage.
Courage is not the absence of fear.
Courage is the ability to fight even when we are afraid.
Be courageous. Today is not the end of your story and there is much yet to be written in your life.
Love and regards